Have you ever thought that if you could just have something or someone you desired that you could be more satisfied than you are with God? Have you ever wondered if another love or desire could take His place, that something or someone else could save you from life, fear, loneliness, desperation, heartbreak, disappointment, or any other ailment of heart?
In 2009, I momentarily considered getting something I wanted at the expense of obeying God, because an ache in my heart was pushing me to the edge of obsession. For a few days I believed that fulfilling my desire would relieve my longing in ways that God couldn’t. I’m thankful that I took my feelings to God through journaling. He used my journaling to set me straight and reminded me that He alone is enough.
May 21, 2009
Every now and then, my faith is washed away in a torrential downpour of longing. In this stormy ache, everything I have learned about you, who you are, remembrance of what you have done in my life, and the truth of your love for me is washed away in a flood of desire for satisfaction—for something or someone that promises to put an end to my longing. In these moments, when I have forgotten you, when I don’t believe you are enough, I am most vulnerable to compromising what I believe, of laying you on the altar and killing my relationship with you for my own dreams, hopes, and desires I believe will satisfy. Dreams, hopes, and desires such as love, intimacy, romance, children, sex, comfort, companionship, and significance. When these things dominate me, and I feel that I must have them to save me, it’s because I doubt that you are enough. Doubting you, doubting your love, the doubt beckons me to trade you for an idol, a lesser love. But if I let you go, what do I have? Like the Psalmist, I ask, “Whom have I in heaven but you?” Who in all of earth, all of my city, all of my home, and all of my bed at night? Whom have I but you? No one. No one compares. No, I will not kill my relationship with you by exchanging you for an idol, a lesser love, for my greatest love is you. I will not trade you in for temporary satisfaction. You last forever. Idols and lesser loves do not.
No thing, no person and no experience can satisfy like Christ. When we look for peace in anything but Him, we will find that our hands may be full, while our hearts are empty. Will you choose to let Him alone be enough today?
Prayer: Lord, please purify my affections so that I can say as Paul did, “I have learned the secret of being content. . .” Lord, help me to live my life always remembering that you are my Enough. Amen.