Blog

Date: 08.02.17
When You Feel Lonely

Everyone experiences loneliness. It’s a common denominator in the equation of life. Our natural response is often to run from it or deny it by filling our lives with distractions. God has a better way. When we allow loneliness to do its redemptive work by embracing it, it can promote positive life change. Here’s how.

A Greater Appreciation for Others

Loneliness can enlarge our hearts to love. Eight years ago, my grandfather was diagnosed with leukemia. During the weeks before his death, he hugged tighter, smiled wider, and laughed more. Saying goodbye to those he cared for enlarged his heart to love—his greatest sorrow produced a greater virtue.

In the same way, the sorrow of loneliness can be fruitful by causing us to ache for human connection. Without it, we would never marry, engage in friendships, or endure the numerous problems that are a natural part of intimacy. Think back to when you’ve felt most lonely. My bet is that you longed for a human connection. In short, loneliness enlarged your heart to love.

A Deeper Intimacy with Christ

Loneliness can open us to a deeper knowledge of God’s love when we get alone with Him. There are times when I’m lonely that I fight my need to spend quiet time with Christ. Why? Because facing loneliness can feel threatening, like squaring off with a bully who presses me into a corner and makes me look at things about myself that I don’t want to see. However, I’ve learned that when I embrace my loneliness and hold the hand of God, I don’t fall into a pit of despair like I feared. Rather, I find His comfort.

What do we miss when we run from loneliness and refuse to invite God into it? Ironically, the pain we try to avoid can create an even greater inner chaos. We need time with God when we are lonely. For example, a friend of mine always has a packed social calendar. When he’s not working, he’s helping someone with a chore, watching a movie, or engaging in any number of social activities. Certainly, there is nothing wrong with his interests. However, there is something wrong with using busyness to hide from loneliness. God calls us to live balanced lives in which we are neither afraid of solitude nor of being with others.

Do you feel lonely today? God created you for connection with others and Himself. Allow your loneliness to motivate you to reach out to someone and to God.

Posted in: Faith

Comments

13 thoughts on “When You Feel Lonely

  1. Ha Shana,
    I used over eating and laziness to compensate for my inner chaos of extreme loneliness. I went thru the go to meeting seminar with you. During that time I realized a lot of things about myself. I joined a gym and have a trainer. I take Jesus with me and I am not wasting my life anymore. No more self-pity for being alone.
    It is time to get up get out and improve my life with Christ as my coach. I can use this time to listen to the word of God. I know as I start feeling physically better everything else will follow. God wants me to be healthy and enjoy this life on earth.

    1. AJ!

      I love your note! I am so PROUD of you–and I am so happy that the Lord has opened up a whole new world to you. You keep up the good work and don’t give up on getting healthy. Indeed, you will feel so much better in so many ways, and not just physically.

      I am seriously about ready to cry for joy for you.

      Many blessings,
      Shana

  2. After my wife went to heaven after a ten month battle with cancer, I was invaded with loneliness. By God’s grace I learned to embrace this loneliness with times of silence and solitude with the Lord. There is nothing more wonderful than having God love on you and speak His comfort to your lonely heart. Seems strange, but in times of loneliness, silence and solitude are precious’

    1. Steve,

      I am so sorry to hear about your wife’s passing and I am so glad that you experienced the Lord’s comfort during that time. I love what you said, “There is nothing more wonderful than having God love on you and speak His comfort to your lonely heart.” So very true. It truly is beautiful. It’s one of life’s greatest gifts to be able to commune with Christ. Thanks for sharing.

      Many blessings,
      Shana

  3. Dear Shana,
    I was watching your regular vlog today; for which I thank you. Unfortunately when I went to leave you a message regarding the vlog, Vimeo inserted itself demanding that I first join Vimeo before I would be allowed to leave my message. I find this quite inappropriate on their part. What, if anything can be done?
    As far as my message, all that I wanted to say is that feelings can be quite fickle and can betray you. One should never rely on one’s feelings! Falling in and out of love is always based on “feelings”. Marring someone that you are compatible with is really, at least partially, a myth. Most people can’t really define the word in relation to relationships (in this case marriage) properly. Obviously Christians should only date and marry other Christians. But may I suggest that before one even dates another person that God be brought into the issue from the start. I also counsel prospective marriage partners that a marriage is not a 50% – 50% partnership. Nor is it a 100% – 100% partnership. It is a 100% – 100% -100% partnership! This God, the husband, and the wife. God must be at the center of the marriage at all times! Oh, and one more thing. NEVER MARRY THE ONE THAT YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH – MARRY THE ONE THAT YOU CAN NOT LIVE WITH OUT!!!

    1. Hi, David.

      I apologize about the problem with vimeo. I really do promise that it will change once I finally get the website finished. It is coming soon. I am adding some new articles and once that’s done the site will be launched.
      I totally agree with you and what you say about agrees with Timothy Keller’s thought. I love your suggestion that God is a part of the relationship from the start.

      Thanks for your comment. Really appreciate your input.

      Many blessings,
      Shana

  4. It involves :loving God, and loving our neighbors…..Seems like a Galilean said that was the summation of the commandments….Well said…..as always…

  5. Yes, I can relate …I don’t have children..sometimes I feel like a leopar…would like someone in my life that has faith in Christ and wants to grow..but awkward with relationships at times..Then sometimes I do wonder if I really want a relationship with someone..Its true in sadness or sorrow my heart for people gets softer…💝

    Ecclesiastes 7:3-5King James Version (KJV)

    3 Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better

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  • Ha Shana,
    I used over eating and laziness to compensate for my inner chaos of extreme loneliness. I went thru the go to meeting seminar with you. During that time I realized a lot of things about myself. I joined a gym and have a trainer. I take Jesus with me and I am not wasting my life anymore. No more self-pity for being alone.
    It is time to get up get out and improve my life with Christ as my coach. I can use this time to listen to the word of God. I know as I start feeling physically better everything else will follow. God wants me to be healthy and enjoy this life on earth.

    • AJ!

      I love your note! I am so PROUD of you–and I am so happy that the Lord has opened up a whole new world to you. You keep up the good work and don’t give up on getting healthy. Indeed, you will feel so much better in so many ways, and not just physically.

      I am seriously about ready to cry for joy for you.

      Many blessings,
      Shana

  • After my wife went to heaven after a ten month battle with cancer, I was invaded with loneliness. By God’s grace I learned to embrace this loneliness with times of silence and solitude with the Lord. There is nothing more wonderful than having God love on you and speak His comfort to your lonely heart. Seems strange, but in times of loneliness, silence and solitude are precious’

    • Steve,

      I am so sorry to hear about your wife’s passing and I am so glad that you experienced the Lord’s comfort during that time. I love what you said, “There is nothing more wonderful than having God love on you and speak His comfort to your lonely heart.” So very true. It truly is beautiful. It’s one of life’s greatest gifts to be able to commune with Christ. Thanks for sharing.

      Many blessings,
      Shana

  • Dear Shana,
    I was watching your regular vlog today; for which I thank you. Unfortunately when I went to leave you a message regarding the vlog, Vimeo inserted itself demanding that I first join Vimeo before I would be allowed to leave my message. I find this quite inappropriate on their part. What, if anything can be done?
    As far as my message, all that I wanted to say is that feelings can be quite fickle and can betray you. One should never rely on one’s feelings! Falling in and out of love is always based on “feelings”. Marring someone that you are compatible with is really, at least partially, a myth. Most people can’t really define the word in relation to relationships (in this case marriage) properly. Obviously Christians should only date and marry other Christians. But may I suggest that before one even dates another person that God be brought into the issue from the start. I also counsel prospective marriage partners that a marriage is not a 50% – 50% partnership. Nor is it a 100% – 100% partnership. It is a 100% – 100% -100% partnership! This God, the husband, and the wife. God must be at the center of the marriage at all times! Oh, and one more thing. NEVER MARRY THE ONE THAT YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH – MARRY THE ONE THAT YOU CAN NOT LIVE WITH OUT!!!

    • Hi, David.

      I apologize about the problem with vimeo. I really do promise that it will change once I finally get the website finished. It is coming soon. I am adding some new articles and once that’s done the site will be launched.
      I totally agree with you and what you say about agrees with Timothy Keller’s thought. I love your suggestion that God is a part of the relationship from the start.

      Thanks for your comment. Really appreciate your input.

      Many blessings,
      Shana

  • It involves :loving God, and loving our neighbors…..Seems like a Galilean said that was the summation of the commandments….Well said…..as always…

  • Yes, I can relate …I don’t have children..sometimes I feel like a leopar…would like someone in my life that has faith in Christ and wants to grow..but awkward with relationships at times..Then sometimes I do wonder if I really want a relationship with someone..Its true in sadness or sorrow my heart for people gets softer…💝

    Ecclesiastes 7:3-5King James Version (KJV)

    3 Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better

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